It's not learning the hard way, but learning what's relevant

Everyone learns by experience

There’s a saying: “Some people have to learn things the hard way.”

I would argue that it is not that some people are inherently disposed to learning “the hard way”—that is, ignoring wise advice and making foolish mistakes—but rather, that people have varying abilities to recall and recognize the relevance of previously taught information.

Everyone learns by experience. One can “learn” principles through the instruction of others, but does not truly internalize that learning until the issue is experienced for oneself.

The difference between “wise” learners and “foolish” ones is that wise learners manage to recall and apply previously taught principles and instructions to their present situation. These learners see the present relevancy of past information. They are able to use the information they retained to make decisions in their present life.

In contrast, “foolish” learners, though they may have received the same instruction and guidance, fail to recall it in the critical moment or fail to perceive its relevancy to their present situation. Thus, they lack adequate memory or critical thinking skills to apply wisdom gained from others to their decision-making.

Both types of learners actually learn through experience. It cannot be said of either that they truly learned through instruction. Rather, it is through living the decision-making process—and, even more, through experiencing the outcomes of their decision—that deeply significant learning occurs.

Focus on relevancy to help learners

So, how can those who wish to impart wisdom to others help them actually access that wisdom and apply it in the “moments of truth” in their lives?

As mentioned above, the two areas in which learners who have received information may fail are:

Memory and recall — do they actually remember what they were taught in the moment when they need it?
Extracting and applying principles — can they identify principles in what they were taught, and discern which ones to apply to their current situation, and how?

Both of these areas of skill can be boosted in learners by focusing strongly on relevancy when instructing.

Malcom Knowles, father of principles of adult education, as well as educational theorist and practitioner Jane Vella concur that “adults will learn faster and more permanently that which is significant to them and their present lives” (Vella, 1995, p. 183) and that “nothing is so strong a motivator for adult learning as this manifest relevance” (Vella, 1995, p. 184).

If those who teach ground their instruction or advice in contexts that strongly demonstrate the present relevancy to learners, not only will learners be more motivated to succeed in learning, but they will also actually process and remember better what is taught. Presenting the information in specific, real-world contexts such as stories or case studies also provides a framework for learners to recognize in the future the situations where the principles they are learning now will apply.

In order to achieve this, those who instruct must actually know their learners—what exactly is relevant to their present lives? What are the struggles they face, the questions and doubts they have, and the problems they must confront? What are their hopes for the future?

Instructors and mentors would also do well to be open with their learners. As often as possible, they should share real stories from their own experience and explicitly discuss the principles and values of different people involved in the situation. People respond well to the openness and humility of someone willing to share their own story.

Learning what is truly relevant

So what of those learners who do not remember or recognize the relevancy of what they were taught at the moment of being instructed? Is there no hope for them?

When those people face a situation in which they do not recall any previously taught information that would be useful, they are forced to make a decision or act anyway. As they see the consequences of their actions, they still have an opportunity to learn: what information and principles were truly relevant in this situation? Suddenly, it seems extremely relevant to learn how to handle this sort of situation better in the future (if they expect to face something similar again). They will seek out instruction with their own painful situation at the forefront of their mind, ready to soak up anything that now seems so relevant to their own life.

Therefore, when we speak of people “learning the hard way,” it’s not true that some people are able to learn by instruction from others, while others are forced to suffer learning by experience. Rather, some are able to recognize the relevancy of what they are being taught before they experience it, while others miss that opportunity and instead learn through experience what is relevant.

All of us who want to teach others—whether parents, mentors, instructors, or guides—should do our best to strongly emphasize the relevancy of what we are teaching to those who listen. But do not fear: even if they can’t see the relevancy now, when they come face to face with their own situation in the future, they just might learn what is truly relevant.

Vella, Jane (1995). Training through dialogue: Promoting effective learning and change with adults. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Inc. Publishers.